2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
