i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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