It's like God shit irony all over that family
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
