question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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