I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize