I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
