is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
