I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
