you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
