perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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