Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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