let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
