today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
