hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
