He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
