watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
this just has baby written all over it
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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