smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
