Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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