All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
