her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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