Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
