Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
