That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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