No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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