i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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