And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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