I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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