I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
my shit smells like andre
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
