He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
