Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
