I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
