alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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