Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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