hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
