He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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