I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
