tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
