Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
