I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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