I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize