He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
