I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
