I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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