I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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