My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
zippers are such a cool invention
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
