I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
