Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I can't turn off my feet"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
