I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize