i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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