if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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