Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
