I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
