its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
