what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
