thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
