Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
