How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
