At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize