Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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