a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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