we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
