Buhtt sex?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
