her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
